Shame exists in a shadow. Shame IS a shadow that encompasses your true experience. There is how you truly felt and what you experienced, and there is the narrative that shame places over it.
I came up in dysfunction. My life didn’t make sense, and it didn’t look right to the outside world. I went to AA meetings with my mother, lived with people I didn’t know, faced abuse from my uncle, and experienced neglect. My sense of self was shaped by how the world saw and treated me, not by who I became in the midst of it all.
When we look through the lens of who we are “worse” or “lower” than, we lose our story in the process. When you lose your story, you don’t truly know who you are. Your power is more visible to those around you than it is to yourself. That’s because shame is running the narrative.
I have often felt undeserving because my life was set back and on a slower track than other people’s. Yet, during that “setback” phase, I spent time developing myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I learned how to communicate clearly, how to process and regulate my emotions, and how to hear my intuition.
I did things that many other people don’t do in the best and most opportune of situations. I became spiritually and emotionally powerful. And yet, I still discounted myself because those blessings didn’t show in the physical. I didn’t have a career or a car, I didn’t have the school education to validate my years of reading and self-study.
It wasn’t until I looked shame in the face that the fog lifted. The dynamics of my relationships changed. The anxiety became quieter. The self doubt seemed foolish.
The name of the spiritual game is knowing thyself. Knowing your power, what you’ve overcome and how. Knowing your unique capabilities. Don’t let the outside world dictate your inner self for too long.
Much love, Queen of Hearts.
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